


Goodbye, Goodbye

by EternallyEC



Series: Pre-Witched [5]
Category: Charmed (TV 1998)
Genre: Gen, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC
Summary: Three years after returning home and becoming Charmed, Phoebe is forced to face the past in the wake of an unexpected tragedy she has no idea how to survive.





	Goodbye, Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This was... not what I expected when I said I didn't feel done in this universe. But I've picked up my Charmed re-watch again and the closer I get to the end of season 3, the more in-touch with my angsty writer I feel and once I thought of this, I haven't been able to stop obsessing. Spoilers all the way up to All Hell Breaks Loose as it takes place in the aftermath.
> 
> Also, in a break from what has become the norm in this series, I actually wrote this listening to two songs: On My Own by Samantha Barks, and So Big/So Small as performed by Rachel Bay Jones. The title is a lyric from the latter as it just seemed fitting.

Phoebe was quiet as she sat on the achingly familiar bed, her knees drawn to her chest and her chin resting on them as she stared at the familiar belongings that made her feel… something. After days of numbness, even the pain was an almost welcome sensation, and the distraction of it even more so.

She’d hardly had a moment alone since Prue… With a soft sob, she pulled her knees even tighter to her chest. No, the only time she’d been alone was to shower or when Leo was there; but he’d been busier than usual, presumably because the Elders’ precious Charmed Ones were no more.

Feeling a sharp pang in her chest, Phoebe sucked in a sharp breath. Being a witch… It had meant so much to her once, given her aimless life a purpose and brought her sisters back to her when she’d given up on ever having a functional relationship with them. But now, she couldn’t even imagine continuing on the path, not when Prue was gone, _taken_ from them by something from _that_ world.

Suddenly needing to move, Phoebe unfolded herself and stood, walking over to Prue’s dresser and running a hand over her precious belongings. Letting her tears fall silently, she picked up a photo of the three of them that had been taken shortly before the accident that had changed everything. The three of them were laughing and looking as though they liked each other, something that had been a rarity during their adolescence.

Resolving to put the photo in her room, she gently touched the top of Prue’s jewelry box that she’d never been allowed to touch. It had been Patty’s, and Phoebe knew that Prue had never used it for her sparse jewelry but for other mementos that she had wanted to save.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Phoebe slowly lifted the lid. Half-expecting Prue to come storming in as she’d done the times she’d tried to sneak a peek as a teenager—she’d never figured out how Prue could always tell, but somehow she had always known—she deflated when she heard the music begin to play. She’d never gotten that far before and somehow it was even more undeniable proof of the hell that she and Piper were living in.

Somehow, she found the motivation to continue and she carefully sifted through the memories, being as gentle as she could. Finally, she reached the bottom and pulled out a simple piece of paper with Prue’s familiar handwriting on it. Sucking in a sharp breath, she carried it over to the bed and reverently unfolded it, shocked to find her name written at the top.

Suddenly unsure of what she was about to read, Phoebe let out a whimper and closed her eyes, hugging the paper to her chest as she began to sob, the letter somehow unleashing all the grief that she’d been internalizing.

She had no idea how long she’d been crying when she finally managed to stop, feeling emptier than she’d ever felt in her life. Staring at the letter, she had to admit she was terrified; she couldn’t imagine what her analytical older sister would have felt so strongly about that she would have put it to paper.

But now that she was here, she also knew that she had to know. Slowly unfolding the paper again, she tenderly traced her fingers over her big sister’s handwriting, both savoring the connection and deeply wishing it wasn’t the only one they shared now.

Wiping her eyes, she took a slow, even breath and began to read.

_Dear Phoebe,_

_You never could abide by the rules, could you? I tried to think of places I could leave this for you to read where no one else would find it, and when I thought of Mom’s jewelry box, I knew it was perfect. You always wanted to know what I considered special enough to keep in there and no amount of yelling I did ever seemed to work, so once I’m not there to yell anymore, I knew you’d give in to temptation and find this letter._

_See, if you’re reading this… I know what it means, Phoebe, and I’m sorry. Growing up, I used to worry about dying young like Mom and leaving you and Piper alone, and becoming a witch just made me worry more. But although I never could understand your enthusiasm, I love who I am—who we are—now, and I would never change it._

_Becoming witches brought the three of us together in a way that I’d given up before, but it also delayed a conversation I never wanted to have with you even though I know we need to. There just never seems to be enough time between demons and dating and whatever else we’re dealing with from moment to moment, and I can see you rolling your eyes now and thinking that I’m making excuses, which I fully admit I am._

_The truth is, Phoebe, I’m sorry about Roger. I’m sorry for blaming you and never letting you explain what I walked in on that night. I’m sorry that I believed him over my own sister. No matter what you’d done in the past or how strained our relationship was at the time, there’s no excuse for that or for me not letting you explain when you came home._

_I know that this is late, but if you’re reading this, we never did have this conversation and I’m sorry for that too. But I want you to know that I believe you, Phoebe, and I’m sorry that I never told you that or apologized before it was too late, and you had to read about it in a letter._

_The truth is hard for me to admit because I love you and Piper more than anything in this world, and I know Grams wanted what was best for us, but… I resented what she did, making me give up all of my dreams and step in to take care of you before I was ready to take on that responsibility. I had to be your parent first, sister second, and it affected our relationships in a negative way, I think you even know that._

_Roger was the first thing I ever had that I felt was truly mine; but more than that, he represented the idea of a life where I could just be Prue first and yours and Piper’s sister second. I couldn’t handle seeing that being ripped away, so I lashed out at you instead. It was a temporary reprieve at best, and one that I’ve regretted since the moment it happened. The pain I saw on your face, not only then but the night before when I stayed with you all night… It was only in hindsight that I realized the pain was the same and I’m so sorry for causing you as much harm as he did. I’m sorry for not believing you when I should have, my beautiful sister, and I’m sorry that I never said it with words but one more time:_

_I believe you._

_Take care of yourself, Pheebs, and take care of Piper for me too. You’re both stronger than either of you know, and I know that you’ll both be okay. I’ll never forget what you told me the day of Piper’s wedding, how both of you are okay now and that I could let myself relax because I didn’t have to look after you anymore._

_You’ve always been so insightful, Phoebe, and even though I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, you were right. You and Piper will be okay without me and that’s given me a peace I’ve never felt before. No matter what happens, I know my sisters will be okay and you gave me that security, Phoebe._

_I love you,_

_Prue_

Phoebe didn’t know when she’d started crying again, but the paper was marked with tears as she came back to reality, in more pain than she’d ever imagined possible but beyond grateful for it. Tenderly holding the letter close, she closed her eyes and focused on breathing.

Truth be told, she hadn’t allowed herself to think of it, but she’d always regretted that she and Prue had never had that conversation about Roger. But once they’d become Charmed and she and Prue had started developing a relationship, she’d been so desperate not to rock the boat that she’d let it slide until suddenly it’d been a year and Prue was struggling with losing Andy, then she was dating Cole and it had been something they’d never found the time for.

But naturally, her brilliant, beautiful big sister had decided to have the last word in their conversations and found a way to give her the reassurances she’d been craving from her. Drying her eyes, Phoebe pressed a kiss to Prue’s signature before tenderly tracing it with her fingers.

“We will be okay,” she softly promised, rising from the bed and taking the photograph before she walked to the door.

Turning to survey the room behind her, she smiled sadly as she was flooded with so many memories, good, bad, and in-between. “I promise I’ll take care of Piper and we’ll get through this,” she said softly, unable to help feeling like Prue could hear her. “We won’t let you down, Prue.”

And with that, she closed the door on the past and resolved to be as strong as she could be so that Piper could lean on her the way they’d both always leaned on Prue.

~FIN

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say thank you again for everyone who's left kudos or commented on any part of this universe. I cried more writing this than I have any other story ever, and that's because I've connected so much with this Phoebe and even Prue, and that's because you guys kept me writing more. I appreciate y'all so much and while I'm sad to see this universe end, I am eager to explore more in this universe because I love it and everyone who lives in it. Blessed be!


End file.
